My morning Ashtanga Yoga practice shined a light on a deeply rooted problem. I glanced in the mirror in my yoga room at home and instantly reacted with judgment. I looked at my body with criticism and hatred. I literally said out loud, "You have been practicing for 10 years and you can't do anything!!!"
WOW, you guys!!! WOW!
First of all, we all know that is not true. It is not true for my physical asana practice, nor is it true in my life. I am accomplished, loving, very strong/flexible, and have walked miles in my yoga practice. I have walked very far away from who I was as the angry, insecure teen & college kid, to where I am today. But as with anything, I have MILES to go before I sleep. That is not daunting, it is life. It is the beauty of deciding to show up and commit to the practice of self improvement, growth, healing, and yoga!
Kino MacGregor teaches that vasanas are the aggregate patterns that generate future attractions and aversions. We have samskaras that are habitual responses in the mind or "bad habits," but these are easier to eradicate. Vasanas are more deeply rooted thoughts and beliefs about who we are, what we like, what we dislike, and so forth. Even though I have put in countless hours of self work on this lie that I am not good enough, it still haunts me. It still makes me want to curl up into a tiny ball and cry. It still comes creeping back to me when I am challenged in life (on or off the yoga mat).
When vasanas or samskaras come to light, I focus on them. I look them in the eye, shine the light on them, and get curious. I allow myself mental space/time to observe and question WHY? I journal, meditate, walk, and do my yoga practice. Most importantly, I don't brush the darkness under the rug. I shine light on it and keep walking on my path.
Changing the way we view ourselves and the world can take time and a lot of effort. Stay focused, don't give up on yourself, and take it easy. And come back to what is really important:
I am wishing you a wonderful day! Thanks for reading & thanks for walking your path! I am honored we are connected. <3